Well, McElroy Boydd couldn't make it to dinner on account of they threw him in the drunk tank after he ate a bunch of pills and ran around the neighborhood in Dixie Peter's knickers. Why they put a man in the drunk tank for taking pills, I don't know if I'll ever understand.
Anyways, as I mentioned previous-wise, the Wolf had caught us a rabbit using my false teeths which he stoled from me. Well, normally we just eat barbecue around here but I dunno if it's legal in this state to barbecue rabbit and I think only a moral degenerate would do such a thing anyways so we did the only reasonable thing and made us up some chili. You put the rabbit, which tastes good aside from the fur, in a kettle over the fire pit and then you put some cans of tomaters in there or something else that's red and then you need some hotsauce. And you get the mess cooking up real good and dump in some Country Club for extra flavor and make sure Snuff don't spit no tobacco in there because that boy don't brush his teeths. I also like to put some salt in there and some Wolfshine. I am from Texas so I don't put no beans in there but I would if I got some of them magic beans I been hearin' about.
Well, we set down to dinner, me and the boys and Dixie Peters and we go about all civil-like except Dragline wouldn't take his hat off around a lady and Snuff was chewin' on a beef jerky and wouldn't share. That boy always gotta be chewin' on somethin'. We get to talking over lots of things like drag racing, butane lighters, how best to realign the wheelers on a Ford Bronco II... Things like that, real civil-like, as I said. And I caught a glimpse of Dixie Peters over the table, lookin' pretty as a peach, and I swear to you she winked right at me. Well, I am a Christian man, as I hope you well know, and me an' Dixie and McElroy Boydd might have had some old timey fun in the past but that was a sharing of God's love whereas a married lady winkin' at me over the table is borderline philandery. Now that's not civil-like at all!
But darned if I didn't wink right on back! I knew it was wrong but, so help me, I think I'm in love! I don't know what to do. I know his Magistic Heinous, Jesus H. Christ, is frowning upon my actions but I swear before Him and God the Farther that I am out of my my mind with love both Christian and otherwise. What should I do my brothers? Oh, what should I do?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Wolf Stoled My Teeths!
Last night, I fall asleep under this big ol' apple tree on my estate, Rabies Acres. Now I leave the apples layin' around on the ground because when I wake up under there, I'm liable to be pretty hungry. Well, I got to take a bit of one of them apples and what do you know, my teeths ain't there no more! Now it ain't no big deal since them apples are pretty mushy this time a year but I was still pretty keen to find 'em again so I set about in my four wheeler ATV to go and look for 'em.
Well, I come 'round the bend of this creek I got out back and I see the Wolf out there chasin' rabbits. Now, he only catches 'em sometimes and normally they slip right on away on account of his teeth don't come together quite right. Now you just imagine my suprise we he snatched one of the blessed things right off the ground. The Wolf stoled my teeths right out of my mouth and was usin' 'em to bite on rabbits! What in the mind of a right thinkin' Ken-tucky boy would cause 'em to do such I thing? I am befuddled as you can well imagine.
Anyway, if you've ever tried to wrestle a set of teeths out of the jaws of a half-naked Ken-tucky boy, you probably know my fingers look about like half a pound of hamburger left in the sun too long. I don't think I'll play no piano for another three weeks. Darn that Wolf! He is a kind soul but he sure do some strange things sometimes.
Oh well. I think I might invite on over McElroy Boydd and Dixie Peters for some rabbit chili tonight.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Well, I come 'round the bend of this creek I got out back and I see the Wolf out there chasin' rabbits. Now, he only catches 'em sometimes and normally they slip right on away on account of his teeth don't come together quite right. Now you just imagine my suprise we he snatched one of the blessed things right off the ground. The Wolf stoled my teeths right out of my mouth and was usin' 'em to bite on rabbits! What in the mind of a right thinkin' Ken-tucky boy would cause 'em to do such I thing? I am befuddled as you can well imagine.
Anyway, if you've ever tried to wrestle a set of teeths out of the jaws of a half-naked Ken-tucky boy, you probably know my fingers look about like half a pound of hamburger left in the sun too long. I don't think I'll play no piano for another three weeks. Darn that Wolf! He is a kind soul but he sure do some strange things sometimes.
Oh well. I think I might invite on over McElroy Boydd and Dixie Peters for some rabbit chili tonight.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Monday, March 1, 2010
Skank Wolf Tour Rider
To whoever it concerns and all venues wanting to have the band Skank Wolf and the Mange play at them, the following predetermined items must be prepared in accordance w/ this legally binding documentary:
1. Wolfshine - We will bring this ourselves. Just give them a place to drink it in.
2. One guitar amplifier - Similar in size to the one used by Carl Perkin.
3. One guitar - We got one but sometimes you need two. Get one w/ lots of knobs on it.
4. One Drumset - Hog wants to try one of them clear ones you see the bands play on TV sometimes.
5. One bass guitar amplifier - This has got to be different from the one for the guitar. We like ones with big speakers and switches that light up.
6. One case of Country Club Malt Liquor - This is made out of the finest ingredients
7. One more case of Country Club Malt Liquor - we are a rock band not girly scouts. Put both cases of beer on ice but take 'em out of the box first so it doesn't get all soggy.
8. A third case of Country Club Malt Liquor - Don't tell the boys about this one. Sometimes the Wolf will run off w/ one and the other boys get sore so it pays to have reserves. All of these cases should be quart bottles or bigger. The boys don't like having to stand up too much.
9. Wine - We like the kinds that are red or clear better but better get some of the green apple flavored kind too just in case.
10. Drum sticks - you use these to play the drums
11. One Piano - Not one of them ones w/ the little roll of tape that plays itself. I don't want anyone calling me a faker.
12. $15 dollar cash guarantee
13. Don't play any of that techno music. We like Jerry Lee Lewis and anything that smells like barbecue.
14. Three dressing rooms. The Wolf gets dressed outside but the rest of the boys need dressing rooms stocked w/ the following: marshmallow peeps, pizza, RC Cola, one gram of medical methamphetamine, whuskey, Slim Jims, bean bag chair, them big red pills they give to horses, one newspaper (current) plus real deep fried french fries and barbecue
15. Drum Sticks - The kind that say "Rock" up the side are the best because that is the kind of music we play.
16. Security - Security personnel must be at least bigger than a normal sized person. We like the way they look all lined up in sun glasses so get a lot and tell them to cross their arms. They should be instructed to allow women into the dressing rooms and not to steal drugs or liquor from the band. If they want some, they can ask. Probably won't give them any women though.
17. Medicinal Marijuana - get the kind from California even though it's a liberal state. It is best for the glaucoma, which we all have, especially Dragline.
18. Two Microphones - You need to give Snuff the louder one because he sings all quiet sometimes.
19. One bass guitar - preferably one that's got a good look to it and not one of them ones with more strings than is usual.
20. Hot Rods - We like to drive around in these before the show if you got a door big enough you can drive up to the stage that is the best situation possible.
21. Four flannel shirts - Especially if the show is in Canada. Cold up there.
22. Women - Never paid for it in our lives but that doesn't mean you can't pay for it for us.
23. Hot dogs - No catsup!
24. Do you got one of them smoke machines? I reckon that'd be a pretty neat thing to have on stage and I'm keen to see what it'd look like.
25. Drum Sticks - The kind made out of wood. Hog needs these to get the drums to make banging noises. Don't ask me.
26. Open access to bar - not just the liquor but to the people behind there and if they want to grab a neon sign or something, they are allowed to.
If the undersigened hereto fail to prepare the items as indicated or don't get us any of the stuff on this list, we will refuse playment of the show until all things are got.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
1. Wolfshine - We will bring this ourselves. Just give them a place to drink it in.
2. One guitar amplifier - Similar in size to the one used by Carl Perkin.
3. One guitar - We got one but sometimes you need two. Get one w/ lots of knobs on it.
4. One Drumset - Hog wants to try one of them clear ones you see the bands play on TV sometimes.
5. One bass guitar amplifier - This has got to be different from the one for the guitar. We like ones with big speakers and switches that light up.
6. One case of Country Club Malt Liquor - This is made out of the finest ingredients
7. One more case of Country Club Malt Liquor - we are a rock band not girly scouts. Put both cases of beer on ice but take 'em out of the box first so it doesn't get all soggy.
8. A third case of Country Club Malt Liquor - Don't tell the boys about this one. Sometimes the Wolf will run off w/ one and the other boys get sore so it pays to have reserves. All of these cases should be quart bottles or bigger. The boys don't like having to stand up too much.
9. Wine - We like the kinds that are red or clear better but better get some of the green apple flavored kind too just in case.
10. Drum sticks - you use these to play the drums
11. One Piano - Not one of them ones w/ the little roll of tape that plays itself. I don't want anyone calling me a faker.
12. $15 dollar cash guarantee
13. Don't play any of that techno music. We like Jerry Lee Lewis and anything that smells like barbecue.
14. Three dressing rooms. The Wolf gets dressed outside but the rest of the boys need dressing rooms stocked w/ the following: marshmallow peeps, pizza, RC Cola, one gram of medical methamphetamine, whuskey, Slim Jims, bean bag chair, them big red pills they give to horses, one newspaper (current) plus real deep fried french fries and barbecue
15. Drum Sticks - The kind that say "Rock" up the side are the best because that is the kind of music we play.
16. Security - Security personnel must be at least bigger than a normal sized person. We like the way they look all lined up in sun glasses so get a lot and tell them to cross their arms. They should be instructed to allow women into the dressing rooms and not to steal drugs or liquor from the band. If they want some, they can ask. Probably won't give them any women though.
17. Medicinal Marijuana - get the kind from California even though it's a liberal state. It is best for the glaucoma, which we all have, especially Dragline.
18. Two Microphones - You need to give Snuff the louder one because he sings all quiet sometimes.
19. One bass guitar - preferably one that's got a good look to it and not one of them ones with more strings than is usual.
20. Hot Rods - We like to drive around in these before the show if you got a door big enough you can drive up to the stage that is the best situation possible.
21. Four flannel shirts - Especially if the show is in Canada. Cold up there.
22. Women - Never paid for it in our lives but that doesn't mean you can't pay for it for us.
23. Hot dogs - No catsup!
24. Do you got one of them smoke machines? I reckon that'd be a pretty neat thing to have on stage and I'm keen to see what it'd look like.
25. Drum Sticks - The kind made out of wood. Hog needs these to get the drums to make banging noises. Don't ask me.
26. Open access to bar - not just the liquor but to the people behind there and if they want to grab a neon sign or something, they are allowed to.
If the undersigened hereto fail to prepare the items as indicated or don't get us any of the stuff on this list, we will refuse playment of the show until all things are got.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Has anyone seen the Wolf?
Me and the Wolf got into some drinking last night and, well, I left him in a ditch on my estate, Rabies Acres. I figured it was just about pass out time and left him with a jar of wolfshine to keep him warm should he wake up in the middle of the night. Half hour later, I hear this howlin' and a little bit of screamin' and hollerin' and I don't think much of it but when I wake up I find that someone has siphoned the gasoline out of my Bronco II, which I call She-Beast, and my four wheeler ATV is nowhere to be found. Well, I think you can guess who it is that done all of this so if any of you see a wolf riding on my ATV wearing only underpants and probably hollerin' about somethin' or another, try to knock him off it and send him on back to Rabies Acres where I can keep an eye on him.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Our Hearts Go Out to the Haitian Earthquakes
Me and the boys here all feel real bad about them earthquakes. I know all about it since I dated a Haitian girl for a couple weeks. She was nice but real strange. Made me pay her fifteen bucks every time I saw her and wouldn't kiss me after. Different culture, I guess. Anyway, we all thought on it and we figured we would offer up all them new songs we re-corded w/ world famous producer Dick Rubin 100% free of charge to all our fans in order to help the relief effort. Enjoy and make sure Hatia is in your prayers.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Friday, February 5, 2010
The New Songs Is Up
Let me tell you, I am all worn out after finishing that re-cording session!
I had to wrassle that damn Snuff when he decided he'd rather sit on a dock chewing Quaaludes than re-cord guitar on his own album. Imagine that! He put up some kind of fuss, that boy. I reeled him in good though and put one of them electric dog collars on him so I can give him a shock when he acts up. Doesn't seem to feel it much though, might even kind of like it.
Anyhow, the sound is rockin' and it was produced by Dick Ruben, who is probably the most famous producer I know of. We did it with his mobile unit on my estate, Rabies Acres, so we would really let the boys go wild. The Wolf has a real good holler and we got it down pretty good on tape. We even got him to stay awake most of the time and only had to spray him down w/ the hose once. The rest of the boys, well, they're trouble but they mean well and me and Dick Ruben managed to keep 'em out of the stash box long enough to get some rock and roll music out of 'em before they wandered off.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
I had to wrassle that damn Snuff when he decided he'd rather sit on a dock chewing Quaaludes than re-cord guitar on his own album. Imagine that! He put up some kind of fuss, that boy. I reeled him in good though and put one of them electric dog collars on him so I can give him a shock when he acts up. Doesn't seem to feel it much though, might even kind of like it.
Anyhow, the sound is rockin' and it was produced by Dick Ruben, who is probably the most famous producer I know of. We did it with his mobile unit on my estate, Rabies Acres, so we would really let the boys go wild. The Wolf has a real good holler and we got it down pretty good on tape. We even got him to stay awake most of the time and only had to spray him down w/ the hose once. The rest of the boys, well, they're trouble but they mean well and me and Dick Ruben managed to keep 'em out of the stash box long enough to get some rock and roll music out of 'em before they wandered off.
Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I got the boys together to do some re-cordings
Yessir, and they're almost done. Only problem is Hog got so drunk he thought the re-cording console was some sort of a a terlet so he threw a cherry bomb at it and broke one of them little slidy things when he was trying to flush it. I set him down and told him to settle and since then we got just about everything redone but we just want to make sure everything sounds just so before we put them up. My advice to you at this time is relax and listen to a Jerry Lee Lewis record. Maybe have sex with your cousin. Hell, I don't know what you kids do for fun up north...
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