The Wolf run off again!

The Wolf is a disrepectin' summammabitch! He run off after the set to God knows where rather than supravisin' the road crew like asked him to on account of I had to go meet with Drug Dealin' Dan in order to pick the boys up some medical methamphetamines. He headed in a general southerly direction which means he'll probably show up at my estate, Rabies Acres, in due time.

When he gets here, I got some kind of surprise for him. The boy likes to sleep in this one corner of the barn because it kind of smells like the pee-pee of his favorite barn cat, Mr. Winkles, whom we accidentally killed and ate on account of mistakin' it for a rabbit. Well, I'm gonna put a bottle of Wolfshine there for him like there ain't nothin' wrong in the world but instead of Wolfshine in that bottle, there's gonna be city water. Now before you go thinkin' that ain't so bad let me explain somethin': the Wolf has had some experiments done to him by the United States government. If he drinks city water his testicles shrivel up like raisins for a fortnight and he loses the ability to sweat so he has to wear a complex device composed of a series of copper tubes and a small pump underneath his britches in order to maintain his temperature and that is danged uncomfortable not to mention it looks ridiculous. Serves him right!

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Has anyone seen the Wolf?

Me and the Wolf got into some drinking last night and, well, I left him in a ditch on my estate, Rabies Acres. I figured it was just about pass out time and left him with a jar of wolfshine to keep him warm should he wake up in the middle of the night. Half hour later, I hear this howlin' and a little bit of screamin' and hollerin' and I don't think much of it but when I wake up I find that someone has siphoned the gasoline out of my Bronco II, which I call She-Beast, and my four wheeler ATV is nowhere to be found. Well, I think you can guess who it is that done all of this so if any of you see a wolf riding on my ATV wearing only underpants and probably hollerin' about somethin' or another, try to knock him off it and send him on back to Rabies Acres where I can keep an eye on him.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd