The boys are playin' a show!

On account of my managin', the boys are playin' yet again in that city up north that goes by the name of Chicago, formerly a marshland until we kicked the Indians out and drained it as is our holy right given unto us by Jesus H. Christ. Hallelujah!

As usual though, one of the boys has got hisself in a world of hurt right before the big show. Hog drank a full pint of 90% isopropyl alcohol which I had purchased in order to clean up some oil stains which I don't care to discuss the origin of. Now he's pukin' up his guts and has gone half blind in one eye and sixty-percent blind in the other. It's okay on account of drums are real big and you don't gotta see too good to play 'em but I wish he'd just stick to Wolfshine and Country Club malt liquor like anyone with any kind of sense would do. That boy always drunk and pukin' up somethin' he just don't normally go blind in the process.

Anyway, the show is this Saturday at Ronny's.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Skank Wolf Legal Defense Fund

Well, the Wolf finally recoverd from his run in with city water and got back to being his old sweet self again. Guess what the first thing he did is? Well, first thing he did was drink a jar of Wolfshine but after that I mean... The boy went and stoled a stone statuette of Robert E. Lee from out the front of the court house and done got hisself arrested on account of he forgot it was the day time and there was a po-lice man standin' right there.

I asked him him why he done it and he said it is a fine many who stands on his principles. And I asked him what his principles was and he said he don't believe a stone statuette should be cooped up in front of no court house and he aimed to set little stone Robert E. Lee free. I tell the boy he ain't thinkin' straight and then he got all sore and told me to leave but he's the lead singer of the band so we gotta pay a bail of forty-five dollars and raise enough money to pay the best attorney in the county, Plessy Ferguson. He says he's sick of us payin' him in Wolfshine and wants him a gallon of good, store-boughten whusky this time.

Anyways, we are askin' for donations to the Skank Wolf Legal Attorney Defense Fund in order to straiten our financial situation and get back to rockin'.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Now wolves in the front yard

Well, sure as anything, the Wolf come home and set down in the Mr. Winkles pee-pee spot and drank him what he thought was a bottle of Wolfshine. Little did he know but what was actually in that bottle was city water which causes his nutty buddies to shrivel up into his scrotum and disables his sweatutory glands (most folks call these "pours" because sweat pours outta 'em). He was settin' 'round the house wearing the copper tubed underbritches he got to wear on account of he got no other way to regulate his body temperature, lookin' ridiculous as all hell and in a sour mood to boot and I got tired of the sight of him. I tole him to go outside but he can't walk good in them underbritches so I had Hog and Dragline put him on a cart and roll him out in the front yard by my old Grand National which is temporarily up on blocks for the past seven years on account of I sold the wheelers to pay for an investment opportunity I don't care to discuss.

He set out there a good three four hours without incident but then the boy started squeelin' his head off on account of we put him on an ant hill and they were startin' to chaw on his tender shriveled man bits. Now I am not much in the mood to pay that boy no nevermind so I just put some cotton in my ears and leave him to hollerin'. Well, a day or so goes and constable come up to my door sayin' he's devaluatin' property and asked me to move him 'round back. Now at this point, he can't walk at all because of the ant bites so the boys and me loaded him into my Ford Bronco II, which I call She-Beast, and we drove him 'round back. Now he's settin' out there and no problem to nobody but I don't reckon he'll be in any less of a sour mood until we start feedin' him somethin' other than cat leather and dandelion greens.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

The Wolf run off again!

The Wolf is a disrepectin' summammabitch! He run off after the set to God knows where rather than supravisin' the road crew like asked him to on account of I had to go meet with Drug Dealin' Dan in order to pick the boys up some medical methamphetamines. He headed in a general southerly direction which means he'll probably show up at my estate, Rabies Acres, in due time.

When he gets here, I got some kind of surprise for him. The boy likes to sleep in this one corner of the barn because it kind of smells like the pee-pee of his favorite barn cat, Mr. Winkles, whom we accidentally killed and ate on account of mistakin' it for a rabbit. Well, I'm gonna put a bottle of Wolfshine there for him like there ain't nothin' wrong in the world but instead of Wolfshine in that bottle, there's gonna be city water. Now before you go thinkin' that ain't so bad let me explain somethin': the Wolf has had some experiments done to him by the United States government. If he drinks city water his testicles shrivel up like raisins for a fortnight and he loses the ability to sweat so he has to wear a complex device composed of a series of copper tubes and a small pump underneath his britches in order to maintain his temperature and that is danged uncomfortable not to mention it looks ridiculous. Serves him right!

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Hooo Boy!

These boys can play, I will tell you what! Uncle Snuff and Dragline were so loud I didn't notice Hog was out in the alley pukin' his lungs out (on account of he drank to much Wolfshine and he's the only one of the boys still taking them pills that knocked Snuff out for those few days) until halfway through the set and I had to run out there and set him on his little seat back show him how to bang on the drums. After that  he was thunderous though I think he fell off the seat a few times. The Wolf was nasty! I have never seen a boy holler so much in so short a time. We had to call the ambu-lance afterward to zap him with those electric disks as the boy had went into palpulations due to extreme stress and what not. He was then carried off by some womenfolk and, well, you know the Wolf...

I am just hoping them girls send him back on account we ain't done touring in Chicago just yet and have another show on Sunday at Ronnie's. On account of it being Palm Sunday and all, this is going to be Christian show dedicated to Jesus H. Christ.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Gettin' the Boys Ready!

As you may well know, Skank Wolf and the Mange are playing at some juke joint called the Mutiny in Chicago this Friday and so that means I had to gather them up and get them to do some rehersallin'. Well, Uncle Snuff is talkin' pretty good now that he's recovered from chewin' up all them pills so I explain to him what he needs to do and leed him over to his guitar amp and put his guitar on him and plugged him in and once he got to playin' the rest of the boys showed up and we hard ourselves a real blast! Yessir, a real low-down, rockin' and rollin' time. Now we just gotta load up this rape party into the Ford Bronco II and bring it on up to Chicago.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Uncle Snuff Come To!

Well, we got Snuff back up an' kickin' again. While he was out, I been pumping intro-venous sugar solutions into this hole I put in his arm for such a purpose. He wasn't doin' too good but I got to thinkin', this boy is a bit too stout in stature for a dang sugar solution so I replaced what was in the bag with some Karo syrup and he come to in a couple a hours. He's taken a liking to the stuff since then and he's been drinkin' it mixed w/ Wolfshine and chewin' this length of surgical tube I gave him to stop him from eatin' his tongue. Anyways, the boy is a lot better but the sight of him settin' 'round the place in his underwear is gettin' to be a bit much for Dixie Peters. Once he regains his powers of speech, I aim to explain to him that that ain't appropriate 'round a lady. Anyways, I'm sure he'll be right as rain for the show this Friday at the Mutiny.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd