Some food for thought

For those of you who like thinkin', which I know ain't all y'all...

So me and my favorite preacher, Gary Fallwell, was out at my estate, Rabies Acres, the other day supervisin' the boys who I had out back buildin' an arc which we need in preparation for when our Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ, return from heaven to wreak fire and flood upon this great nation. We buildeth the arc, as per scripture, so that we might keepeth all the animals by the two of 'em on there so oncin' the flood waters receedeth, the animals can thus re-populate the earth and provide us with good meat for barbecue. Well, I was lookin' at the boys who was toilin' in the hot sun amongst the weeds and dread malaria flies and I got to thinkin': How's come one of 'em that ain't fat is called Hog and the one of 'em that's the size of a dang boar pig is called Uncle Snuff? And how's come he ain't the uncle of nobody as far as I know? And why's he called Snuff when he uses mostly chewin'-on tobacco? Well, I don't reckon I can answer any of these questions but I thought I might give ya'll a chance to have a crack at 'em.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd

Uncle Snuff Come To!

Well, we got Snuff back up an' kickin' again. While he was out, I been pumping intro-venous sugar solutions into this hole I put in his arm for such a purpose. He wasn't doin' too good but I got to thinkin', this boy is a bit too stout in stature for a dang sugar solution so I replaced what was in the bag with some Karo syrup and he come to in a couple a hours. He's taken a liking to the stuff since then and he's been drinkin' it mixed w/ Wolfshine and chewin' this length of surgical tube I gave him to stop him from eatin' his tongue. Anyways, the boy is a lot better but the sight of him settin' 'round the place in his underwear is gettin' to be a bit much for Dixie Peters. Once he regains his powers of speech, I aim to explain to him that that ain't appropriate 'round a lady. Anyways, I'm sure he'll be right as rain for the show this Friday at the Mutiny.

Your Friend,
McElroy Boyd